This morning we went to visit a musician that we had met a couple of days before in Udaipur. His name is Krishna, and he has a shop that caters mainly to tourists, selling all kinds of Indian instruments. He invited us back to his home for tea, so we followed him through alleys and narrow streets to a brightly colored door. We went into a small dark room with a concrete floor and a kitchen counter, and a narrow window letting in a little light. There were metal shelves along the walls that held all kinds of stuff. Krishna invited us to sit down on the rug and his wife made tea for us while he ran off to take a lunch to his son at school. His wife was preparing spinach for dinner, picking over the leaves and separating them from the stems. We sat and drank tea while she worked and after I asked her several times she finally let me help her.
She and Krishna and their son, Yeshu, live in that little room - that is where they eat, sleep, work, study. There was a small loft space covered by curtains, but they use it to store tons of instruments for the shop. She used to live in a village and misses the sunshine and light. She has three siblings, all who went to college, but she didn't pass her 12th year of school because she couldn't pass the English class (her English was very good). So at 17 she married Krishna. It was an arranged marriage and she feels that arranged marriages are good, that parents make good decisions for their kids. But she also dreams of going to college or going to America, "just dreams" she says. She also hopes that they will be able to save up enough money to buy a house outside the city someday, where there is more space and sun and light and things will be better for her son. She is 27.
She asked us a lot of questions about where we live, how much rent costs in the US and shook her head - more than one year's salary for them. Then she asked me if I'd like her to henna my hand. Of course I said yes, so she worked on that for a while and made some beautiful designs. While she was drawing I asked her her name (women are often overlooked in introductions and are often just called "my wife" or "my mother"). "Heena," she said, but I realized later that she thought I was asking the name of the art she was creating - henna. So I have no idea what her name is, which makes me angry.
She offered to henna my other hand, but it was getting late and we had to catch a ride back to the haveli so we could go to the wedding. "We don't have time," Larry said, and she echoed, "no time." She sighed - all she has is time. I got the impression that she is lonely and I wished that we could have spent another day hanging out. We made a good connection right away and we could have been friends. We went outside and she showed us the way back to the shop. I remember her standing there, watching us wistfully go, her bright orange lehenga sparkling against the stark white walls.
Krishna was there and we looked at drums. I've always wanted to learn how to play the tabla but in this case was worried about getting it home on the plane. But we decided to risk it. Krishna had given us a price range for instruments but wouldn't give us a quote for this one - "it is middle quality," he said, "we're friends, just pay me what you want." We gave him about $100 for the drum, and he threw in a cd and book and bag to carry it in. It was way more than we should have paid, honestly, but I knew that. If I had bargained, fine, we would have gotten it for maybe $50. But $100 to them means so much more than to us, and in the US I would pay more than that for a good drum anyhow. So that's what we did. He took the money without counting it.This is the constant conflict I had with money in India. You always know that you are paying more than an Indian would for things. And even then the price you are quoted is much less than it would be in the US. So do you bargain, trying to get a good deal, or just let the money go, knowing that it makes a bigger difference there? I hate that!
I'd like to make it possible for Krishna to come to the US to play some concerts (he is a great drummer), which he would love to do. I have no idea how to work on something like that, but I'm going to try. In my dreams, I'd love for his wife to come, too. But that is even less likely to happen.
They invited us for dinner, and I wish we could have gone, but we were heading off to the wedding that day. I was moved by their hospitality - here they were, living in a small room, and offering us whatever they had, maybe even more than they had. Krishna urged us to contact them if we needed any help in town, or if we were able to come back for a visit. We will never forget them.
Back at the haveli we thanked our host and hopped in a car that would take us to Devi Garh. I was still feeling sad about leaving our new friends, but the drive was exciting. We went on narrow winding roads through the mountains and for the first time I felt nervous about passing in the oncoming traffic lanes - our driver would honk and go, whether he could see or not, so it was exciting! Once we were passing through a narrow opening between two cars and we heard a loud "smack!". Larry and I looked around, startled, and the driver said, "it was the mirror" - we had passed so close that his right mirror had been whacked by another car. It was still there, though, so he wasn't concerned.
By the way, off of the main roads were paved in India and were generally in good shape. They were usually two-lane roads with a dividing mark down the middle. Sometimes there would be more lanes marked on either side, but more often people would just drive wherever they could see space. When we left the main roads to drive into a village, like Auroville, or Devi Garh, we were on dirt roads.
We arrived at our hotel, the Heritage Resort at Lake Bagela. As we pulled through the gates we were greeted by a man who put flower chains around our necks and a red dot on our foreheads. Our room was beautiful, and overlooked the lake, the mountains, and some temples. There are gardens and lots of green grass and quiet terraces and coming here after being in Krishna's home was very strange.Our hotel was about a 15 minute drive from the Devi Garh fort where the wedding festivities were to take place, so a bus was waiting to take all of the wedding guests over there. It felt strange to be with so many Americans after two weeks without meeting anyone from the US.
At the fort we walked through huge arched doorways, though a grassy courtyard, and up some steps to another lawn and pool area. There were brightly colored cloths stretching across the lawn to make a kind of open tent, and balls of yellow and orange flowers hung from trees. We ate lunch and watched while people flew kites from the terrace. Just over the wall of the fort one could look down on rooftops of concrete homes, women did laundry, animals lounged in the sun. It was another startling contrast. How is it possible for such wealth and such poverty to be that close? It seems like with so much money passing through the fort some of it ought to get 
into the village...maybe it does and things are already better there than they used to be.Apparently, Devi Garh used to just be a huge historic fort until some movie star (Brad Pitt?) came up with the idea of a hotel being there. So it was sort of turned into a resort, although I never did see where the rooms were. Madonna stays there when she goes to India. It was a really nice place.
That evening was games night. This is a tradition stemming from the idea that in arranged marriages the bride and groom (usually very young) and their families needed to get to know eachother. In this case the families already knew eachother, but the guests were pretty well divided with Americans on one side of the lawn and Indians on the other. So having games was a good idea.
There was an MC, and he began by offering a prize to the first woman who could bring him a shoe with a pricetag still on it, and to a man who had a photo of his mother-in-law in his wallet. It was really funny! Then he asked for the tallest man (Catherine's cousin, Will) and the smallest woman, (a relative of Akshay's). Then he started circle games, where he had all of us dance around in a circle to some music. When the music stopped suddenly he would say, "a person with earrings with someone with no earrings" or "sandals with shoes" and we'd all run around looking for a partner. It was a great way for people to connect, because when you found someone you'd chat with them for a minute before the game began again.
For the next game, we were divided into two teams and instructed to find, in 3 minutes, objects that began with each letter of the English alphabet. That was really funny - some people got very into it and others of us drifted away to watch and chat. The only other game I remember watching that night was another circle game. But this one was only for married couples because it was a "naughty" game. In this game, when the music stopped he would call out, "cheek to cheek" and everyone would scramble to find their spouse and touch cheeks. The last ones to connect were out. This was really funny to watch, because the calls got progressively more intimate!
After the games was dinner and then a casino night - they had a big room set up with different casino games and of course a very loud band. We stayed for a little while, then went out to get a lift back to our hotel. When we got in the car our driver said, "Do you remember me?" It was Naresh, the guy who had showed us the way to Bagore-ki-haveli in Udaipur two days ago!
12/20, Wedding at Devi Garh
We woke up early and went over to devi garh for a rehearsal for the western ceremony. Emily's granny was officiating, along with another friend of theirs, and they wanted to run through things. But it was difficult to get everyone in one place at the same time, and we ended up just talking things through at length.Catherine was upset because her luggage hadn't arrived. She was wearing a beautiful lehenga from Emily's wardrobe, but all of her own wedding clothes were in the suitcase, so she was really worried about it arriving in time for the ceremonies the next day.
We went down to a terrace where the Mehendi was beginning. This was the part of the wedding when the women's hands are hennaed. There were lots of artists there and a band playing Rajasthani wedding songs and it was a really merry event.
Emily had been really late in coming down the night before because her legs had to be very intricately hennaed, and the longer the paste was left on the darker it would be, which traditionally means that your husband loves you more. So they started her henna early and it took several hours to dry enough so that she could get dressed and come down to the party.
Today they were doing intricate designs on her arms, so she was seated under the tent propped up by cushions while they worked on her. Akshay was there, too, having some smaller designs done on his hands and feet. This went on for hours while we all visited. Servants came around constantly with appetizers and every kind of drink you could imagine - watermelon juice, orange juice, guava juice, a sugar cane drink, tea, coffee...it was amazing.Then the mayra began. This was the ceremony when Akshay's mom's family arrived and presented gifts to his mother. (There had been a huge dinner in Bombay on Thursday night when she had officially invited them to the wedding.) So all of her relatives went out and came in together and each family came up to be welcomed by the mother of the groom, when she marked their foreheads and fed them some sweets. There was singing and dancing and general silliness - it was fun to watch.
After lunch we had a quick music run-through for the next day's ceremony and figured out how to squeeze ourselves into the little balcony where we'd be playing. The room for the western ceremony was relatively small and they were nervous because no one knew how many guests would come to it! It was a beautiful open marble room with a balcony running along each side and a little alcove on either end, and we were going to play in one of the alcoves.
We went back to change for the evening happenings, and just as we were getting ready to leave the back strap of one of my sandals broke. I only had one nice pair of shoes with me, so I needed to try to find a temporary repair. I went to the desk and asked if they had a needle and thread I could use. There were several men working there, and they took a look at my shoe and had a rapid conference about possible solutions. Another guest came in and offered to take me to her room to see if one of her extra pairs fit me. They did, so I was all set for the night, but when I went back into the lobby I saw one of the hotel clerks on the floor with a flashlight sewing up my shoe! He fixed it with some really tough thread and it lasted for the rest of the weekend.
That night was the most amazing party I have ever attended. It was a mela, a village carnival, staged in the courtyard of the fort. When we walked in we were stunned by the sounds and colors and activity. There were a snake charmer, acrobats on a high wire, a tall man on stilts, a group of men with drums and horns and one dressed like a horse dancing around, a puppet show booth, a booth where people were making bracelets by melting some kind of material over a fire, a magicians booth, and a concert stage where a band was playing Rajasthani folk music. There were also tons of tables set up with food of all kinds, including a really incredible Thai food 
area. We found out later that the Thai food was actually from Thailand, and so were the people who were making it - they had flown over with several kilos of food! There was also a booth where they were making a huge cauldron of hot milk with nuts in it, and they were yelling out to people to come and try it, dancing and singing and doing tricks with pouring the milk. And people were walking around with trays of drinks. It was amazing.After a while a dance demo began, showing many of the folk dances that we had seen a couple of nights before in Udaipur. Then, Akshay's family came out and began a sort of show that they had put together, where several of them exhibited dances from different parts of India. His sister did a carnatic dance from South India, his mother and Aunt did a folk dance with sticks, and there were several bollywood-type dances. It was amazing - some of them were really incredible dancers and some of them had clearly just worked things up for this program, but they all looked great. It must have taken a lot of time to prepare. Can you imagine any American family doing that? There was a slide-show that Emily's family had made, and then her cousins got up and sang "Deep in the Heart of Texas" and taught a line-dance. They did a great job but after all of the intricate Indian music and dance it was less-impressive than it could have been.
To close the show Emily came out, making a dramatic entrance through scarves waved by Akshay's family, and performed a solo dance with Indian choreography. She was amazing! At the end Akshay came out and they did a little dance together.
I wish that we, as a culture, brought more to the table when it comes time to share our traditions with other countries. There are incredible traditional American forms of dance and song and music - why not share more of it? So much of it is lost to the general public. I was really impressed with the thought and care that had gone into all of the preparations to share Indian culture with us. People who aren't professional dancers or musicians or artists still take the time to learn something about it.
12/21 - Wedding Ceremonies
The western ceremony was scheduled to begin at 10:30, but it was more like 11:30 when it began. Luckily, we were prepared with lots of extra music and it all went smoothly. Early in the morning everything seemed peaceful and quiet, but during the ceremony so many cel phones went off and you could hear numerous construction projects going on outside, so it took away slightly from the air of timelessness! But the ceremony was beautiful, in spite of distractions.
There was a reception afterwards and Emily had asked us to play English dance music on the terrace. But after a while we started playing some swing and a few of our other top hits from our Chennai shows, and of course people loved that. It was fun to be a part of the festivities.
We all went back to change clothes and returned for the Indian ceremony, supposedly to begin at "4:30 sharp"! Well, around 5 the groom's family began heading out to the gates of the fort. They were going to meet there and parade in. The bride's side of the family was supposed to wait inside the fort to receive them, but most of us snuck out to take a peek at the parade - there were an elephant and a camel and a huge brass and drum band. I went over to pet the elephant. We were standing there talking with the handlers when I felt a sudden pressure against my leg - the elephant was leaning into me with his knee!
Back inside the fort we visited with guests while the parade slowly approached. They were supposed to take about an hour to arrive. Finally they came inside and we all went to greet them and welcome them in. Akshay came riding in on an elaborately decorated white horse, with the band banging and clanging all around and his family dancing wildly in front of him. He came up to the main door and Emily's mom got up on a chair and greeted him, marked his forehead and fed him some sweets. Then we all trooped inside and up to the pool area for the ceremony. Most of the Indian guests went to have tea during the ceremony, but all of the Americans watched. Emily came in, escorted by her sisters and cousins under a red canopy. They all looked seriously unhappy and Catherine told me later that they had been told by Akshay's family to look sad, since they were giving away their sister. When I look at the photos and videos now I can see that most of them were trying not to smile!
Emily and Akshay sat up on a dais with yellow and white flower around their necks. Emily's parents were up there, too. The ceremony seemed to have a lot to do with their passing on Emily's care to Akshay. Emily and Akshay also had to circle a small fire several times. There were two men on the dais who were praying and leading the ceremony, and one man who was helping them by handing them flowers or honey or whatever else they needed. While we watched people came around offering us drinks on trays and the whole thing had an air of a cocktail party.At the end of the ceremony fireworks went off! Then there was a negotiation involving Akshay's shoes, which had been stolen away by the bride's family - he had to bargain with them and offer them large sums of money to get them back. (Actually, Akshay's cousin's had prepared for this by hiding his shoes in the first place, but because his family wanted this negotiation to take place another of his cousin's went and found them and gave them to Catherine.)
Then there was a very elaborate dinner. And then there was a concert by a famous Bollywood singer (Abijay?). He had a band with two drummers, two basses, and a keyboard player. We were surprised to see that he was a middle-aged man wearing thick glasses - you would never see an American movie star like that, right? - but we were told that he is the voice behind the Bollywood actors when they sing. That made a lot more sense. Anyhow, it was great!
It was the most exciting, beautiful, and elegant wedding I have ever attended. And in spite of the grandeur, no one seemed to be stressed out or uptight. It felt very relaxed. I don't imagine that I will ever experience anything like that again.
No comments:
Post a Comment